I get into these somewhat random funks every now and then. I hate it so bad. Because I don't *want* to be upset, but I can't help it. My mind starts going a 115 miles per hour and I can't slow it down. It doesn't take much-- it could be that my house is even more messy than the norm, I made the terrible choice to step on the scale, or sometimes nothing at all.
Today I am in that funk. This time I can narrow it down as to why... and the worst part is, they are all things that ARE within my control but, for the moment, I have lost the energy to fix any of it.
Being fat is just not for me. It's just not. Therefore, being pregnant is not my jam. Do not get me wrong, I love this kid and Jack more than the world...but I just don't do pregnancy right. I tend to just crash and burn. I was finally worried about myself about 7 months ago...I was finally getting myself back. I was almost to my health goals...and boom, I LET it all come back down. And now I am right back where I started. Fat and unhappy. I wish so much that I could say "I'm *just* pregnant" but I know that my choices have been terrible since finding out we were having another baby, and I only have myself to blame for the way I look and feel. Now I am at the point where my back hurts from the weight gain (I know some of that is natural with pregnancy, but I suuuuure didn't help myself out at all there) and I feel tired all of the time.
This house. Man, I am starting to reaaaally hate this house. Again, don't get me wrong, I am lucky to have a home. But man, this place irritates me. The doors don't shut right. My shed is barely held together at this point. The carpet is gross. And all of this could be fixed...heck, I could have bought a new house by now if it weren't forrrrr.....
My spending habits. Good lawd. I buy so much stuff. Mostly stuff that we just don't need. I try to find the best possible deals on what I want/need...but that doesn't necessarily mean I should just buy it. Does Jack *really* need 4 more shirts? Doesn't Charlotte have *enough* shoes already?? I obviously am not the person to ask these questions to, lol.
I need something...err...someone...to come pull me out of this funk. I have way too much to do in so little time. No time to waste!
