Ulysses,
Got a call from the vet today. Your remains are ready for me to pick up. It breaks my heart. Even though I know you are gone, I hate to be reminded. It hurts my heart in a way that I cannot explain to you. I wish I could, though. I wish you could know how much I continue to miss you everyday.
Dad and I are ok...well, if I can say that much... we are...well, we are coping. As best we can. Which isn't every well. The house is empty... and quiet. Nothing is the same without you, puppy. Nothing feels right.
While I am writing this, I want to let you know that I am so sorry for ever doubting that you can be in heaven. I always knew that if dogs got to go there, you would be more than qualified...I was just unsure if heaven was something that humans were able to go to...but animals went to a different place.
Now that I understand (thanks to reading waaaay too many things on the internet)...the only thing I have left to pray for is that our heavens are the same place...and that I will get your sloppy kisses all over my face again someday.
I hope you are doing ok. And I hope you are feeling better now.
I love you, boy.
Love, Mom
23.11.10
21.11.10
I sent you boats.
Could it be, Ulysses?
Did you somehow know what was going on that day? And were your last kisses on our faces a way of telling me that it was all right??
Does God answer my prayers everyday when I beg him to let me know that you are ok... and that our time together isn't permantly over...but just on hold?
Do dogs go to heaven?
If I could just know for sure they do...because then I could be sure that's where you are.
I miss you every minute of everyday.
I love you.
Did you somehow know what was going on that day? And were your last kisses on our faces a way of telling me that it was all right??
Does God answer my prayers everyday when I beg him to let me know that you are ok... and that our time together isn't permantly over...but just on hold?
Do dogs go to heaven?
If I could just know for sure they do...because then I could be sure that's where you are.
I miss you every minute of everyday.
I love you.
19.11.10
Mom and Dad love you.
Your Dad has always told me that I have a way with words. That I could write about anything and make it sound so meaningful. I don't know if that's true. Especially now, on the day following your death. But I am going to give it a shot. Because I tend to feel a little better when I can let it all out... and I need to say a few things to you...well, maybe more than just a few.
My Dearest Ulysses,
Your absence in just the past day has been more than we can stand. There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think of you. Every single thing that we do reminds us of you. And reminds us of the pain we feel now that you are no longer here with us.
I woke up today, and instantly thought of you. Dad and I watched ESPN, the way he normally did with you. I took a shower, with the door open...and still looked to the door as if you would suddenly be there. I did my makeup...and that was the hardest part. I sat in front of that mirror and cried. I have been so used to you standing between me and the mirror...making it nearly impossible to do my makeup. But not today. Today, I did my makeup in record time...and ruined it as I went along. My makeup is no match for the tears I cry for you. I walked to the front door...paused, and looked up the stairs...wishing I could still give you our morning "goodbye" kisses.
I drove to work today in absolute silence. No music. Nothing. Just me and my thoughts of you. The memories I have of you are some of my favorites. I loved the day we brought you home. You were so skinny and seemed so sad. You had marks from where it looked like someone had burned or cut you. It makes me sick to imagine someone hurting you. I thought of the day you completely destroyed the computer room. Literally, you tore it all to pieces. I forgive you for that day...and I hope you can forgive me for being mad at you. I know you never meant to hurt me. Even as terrible as that day was...it makes me smile. You were so stinking ornery that it was adorable. So many other memories flood me...and I could write about them all afternoon...but there's so much I want to say.
I was telling your Dad today that it was such a pleasure knowing you. Holding you. Kissing you and most of all, hugging you. You have brightened my life in such a significant way that it is almost unmatched. Your extraordinary soul has given me a reason to hope. I hope that I can be as wonderful as you. I hope I can touch someone's life in the manner you have touched ours. I hope that you are right where you belong, I hope that you are in heaven and you are free. You are free to run, play and love the way that we know you can. I hope you can see us, I hope you can hug us...even if we don't know you are doing it.
I miss you so much that it literally hurts. It hurts in my chest...it hurts in my brain...and it hurts in my eyes. It hurts all over. Every part of my daily life now pains me. Every part of daily life now feels incomplete. You completed us. And even though you are gone, you will continue to be a part of our lives...even if only in memories and in dreams.
Please understand why it all happened the way it did. Please know that we would've given anything if it meant you could have the longest, happiest life possible. And please know that I would've given anything...for just one more day. Even though it would've only prolonged the inevitable...I still wish it were an option. I wish you were right by me today. Right now, as I riddle the keyboard with my tears, I wish I could hear your random heavy sighs...they are really the only thing that would provide some comfort right now.
I have prayed to God more in the past 24 hours than I have in months combined. I pray that you are happy. That you are well. That you are giving all the people in heaven the same hugs you gave us. And I pray that you can feel our love. I pray that you will forgive me... for not knowing the cure. I pray that you will continue to love me until I can see you again. And I pray most of all that seeing you some day is an option. If there was ever something I needed, it was to know that yesterday wasn't the last time I could hold you.
We love you so much. And we will continue to love you everyday for the rest of our lives. People say the pain will get better...and I believe that....but please know that even after the pain has subsided, you will forever be in our hearts.
Goodbye, Good Boy. I hope to see you.
I love you,
Mom
My Dearest Ulysses,
Your absence in just the past day has been more than we can stand. There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think of you. Every single thing that we do reminds us of you. And reminds us of the pain we feel now that you are no longer here with us.
I woke up today, and instantly thought of you. Dad and I watched ESPN, the way he normally did with you. I took a shower, with the door open...and still looked to the door as if you would suddenly be there. I did my makeup...and that was the hardest part. I sat in front of that mirror and cried. I have been so used to you standing between me and the mirror...making it nearly impossible to do my makeup. But not today. Today, I did my makeup in record time...and ruined it as I went along. My makeup is no match for the tears I cry for you. I walked to the front door...paused, and looked up the stairs...wishing I could still give you our morning "goodbye" kisses.
I drove to work today in absolute silence. No music. Nothing. Just me and my thoughts of you. The memories I have of you are some of my favorites. I loved the day we brought you home. You were so skinny and seemed so sad. You had marks from where it looked like someone had burned or cut you. It makes me sick to imagine someone hurting you. I thought of the day you completely destroyed the computer room. Literally, you tore it all to pieces. I forgive you for that day...and I hope you can forgive me for being mad at you. I know you never meant to hurt me. Even as terrible as that day was...it makes me smile. You were so stinking ornery that it was adorable. So many other memories flood me...and I could write about them all afternoon...but there's so much I want to say.
I was telling your Dad today that it was such a pleasure knowing you. Holding you. Kissing you and most of all, hugging you. You have brightened my life in such a significant way that it is almost unmatched. Your extraordinary soul has given me a reason to hope. I hope that I can be as wonderful as you. I hope I can touch someone's life in the manner you have touched ours. I hope that you are right where you belong, I hope that you are in heaven and you are free. You are free to run, play and love the way that we know you can. I hope you can see us, I hope you can hug us...even if we don't know you are doing it.
I miss you so much that it literally hurts. It hurts in my chest...it hurts in my brain...and it hurts in my eyes. It hurts all over. Every part of my daily life now pains me. Every part of daily life now feels incomplete. You completed us. And even though you are gone, you will continue to be a part of our lives...even if only in memories and in dreams.
Please understand why it all happened the way it did. Please know that we would've given anything if it meant you could have the longest, happiest life possible. And please know that I would've given anything...for just one more day. Even though it would've only prolonged the inevitable...I still wish it were an option. I wish you were right by me today. Right now, as I riddle the keyboard with my tears, I wish I could hear your random heavy sighs...they are really the only thing that would provide some comfort right now.
I have prayed to God more in the past 24 hours than I have in months combined. I pray that you are happy. That you are well. That you are giving all the people in heaven the same hugs you gave us. And I pray that you can feel our love. I pray that you will forgive me... for not knowing the cure. I pray that you will continue to love me until I can see you again. And I pray most of all that seeing you some day is an option. If there was ever something I needed, it was to know that yesterday wasn't the last time I could hold you.
We love you so much. And we will continue to love you everyday for the rest of our lives. People say the pain will get better...and I believe that....but please know that even after the pain has subsided, you will forever be in our hearts.
Goodbye, Good Boy. I hope to see you.
I love you,
Mom
15.11.10
Grape Slush
I love Sonic.
I love happy hour.
I love grape slushes.
I love my fiance.
And I miss you.
I love happy hour.
I love grape slushes.
I love my fiance.
And I miss you.
8.11.10
To my Good Boy:
You have no idea how important you are to me.
You really don't. I've said it a million times.
Dad and I try so hard to let you know what you mean to us...but there's that whole human/dog communication barrier.
If there were some way I could just speak dog... or let you inside my brain...I would probably feel better about all this. Maybe I would feel more comfortable if I could know that you believed me.
If you could just know that I would do anything to avoid this.
That Dad and I tried everything.
Everything.
That we love you no matter what happens.
No matter what lies ahead.
No matter what happened in the past.
We have been so lucky to have known you.
So lucky to have been hugged by you.
And so lucky to listen to you fart all day. :)
And for God's sake...smell you fart all day.
Ulysses, you are the best dog I could ever ask for. You have made our hearts whole. You have been such an important part of our lives. And we can't thank you enough for all the great memories.
Please believe me when I say that saying goodbye to you will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life. And please believe me when I say that I would give anything to change the circumstances.
I hope...so much...that God or someone in heaven will you read you this blog. I hope you understand English. And you can feel how much Dad and I love you.
You will always be our good boy. Always.
Nothing will change that.
I love you, Stinker.
You really don't. I've said it a million times.
Dad and I try so hard to let you know what you mean to us...but there's that whole human/dog communication barrier.
If there were some way I could just speak dog... or let you inside my brain...I would probably feel better about all this. Maybe I would feel more comfortable if I could know that you believed me.
If you could just know that I would do anything to avoid this.
That Dad and I tried everything.
Everything.
That we love you no matter what happens.
No matter what lies ahead.
No matter what happened in the past.
We have been so lucky to have known you.
So lucky to have been hugged by you.
And so lucky to listen to you fart all day. :)
And for God's sake...smell you fart all day.
Ulysses, you are the best dog I could ever ask for. You have made our hearts whole. You have been such an important part of our lives. And we can't thank you enough for all the great memories.
Please believe me when I say that saying goodbye to you will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life. And please believe me when I say that I would give anything to change the circumstances.
I hope...so much...that God or someone in heaven will you read you this blog. I hope you understand English. And you can feel how much Dad and I love you.
You will always be our good boy. Always.
Nothing will change that.
I love you, Stinker.
7.11.10
Shabby Chic? Meh.
Sooo...I'm loving making all this stuff for the house.
Love it.
I love going to estate/garage sales and finding good stuff.
I've been a spray-paint princess.
Well, today...I am working on the newest addition to our bedroom.
A steal.
A cool, vintage, round frame I found at an estate sale.
There I was...la la la la laaaa...spray-painting away.
All done.
So I start bringing the freshly painted masterpiece inside.
Enter: gust of wind and tiny leaves.
That attach themselves to the glorious frame.
Wah wahhh.
No more shabby chic in fall.
Epic Fail.
Go Chiefs.
Love it.
I love going to estate/garage sales and finding good stuff.
I've been a spray-paint princess.
Well, today...I am working on the newest addition to our bedroom.
A steal.
A cool, vintage, round frame I found at an estate sale.
There I was...la la la la laaaa...spray-painting away.
All done.
So I start bringing the freshly painted masterpiece inside.
Enter: gust of wind and tiny leaves.
That attach themselves to the glorious frame.
Wah wahhh.
No more shabby chic in fall.
Epic Fail.
Go Chiefs.
4.11.10
Butterfly Effect
To this Stacey woman.
The one who wrecked into my fiance on Tuesday morning.
You have no idea how much you effect people that you don't even know.
Whatever you were doing that morning...
Texting, applying makeup, looking for something...
Whatever it was that made you not pay attention to the road.
The HIGHWAY.
It changed more than just the front of your car.
It changed my fiance's face...even if only temporarily.
It changed the way he feels about driving.
It changed his car.
It changed our financial status...
Just a little.
It changed MY car, even.
So...was it worth it? Whatever you were doing...was that worth the way I feel today?
I am pissed today.
And I blame you.
And your lack of common sense.
I feel like I am having one of the worst months ever.
Again.
Gah.
The one who wrecked into my fiance on Tuesday morning.
You have no idea how much you effect people that you don't even know.
Whatever you were doing that morning...
Texting, applying makeup, looking for something...
Whatever it was that made you not pay attention to the road.
The HIGHWAY.
It changed more than just the front of your car.
It changed my fiance's face...even if only temporarily.
It changed the way he feels about driving.
It changed his car.
It changed our financial status...
Just a little.
It changed MY car, even.
So...was it worth it? Whatever you were doing...was that worth the way I feel today?
I am pissed today.
And I blame you.
And your lack of common sense.
I feel like I am having one of the worst months ever.
Again.
Gah.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)