Mom and Dad love you.

Your Dad has always told me that I have a way with words. That I could write about anything and make it sound so meaningful. I don't know if that's true. Especially now, on the day following your death. But I am going to give it a shot. Because I tend to feel a little better when I can let it all out... and I need to say a few things to you...well, maybe more than just a few.

My Dearest Ulysses,
      Your absence in just the past day has been more than we can stand. There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think of you. Every single thing that we do reminds us of you. And reminds us of the pain we feel now that you are no longer here with us.
      I woke up today, and instantly thought of you. Dad and I watched ESPN, the way he normally did with you. I took a shower, with the door open...and still looked to the door as if you would suddenly be there. I did my makeup...and that was the hardest part. I sat in front of that mirror and cried. I have been so used to you standing between me and the mirror...making it nearly impossible to do my makeup. But not today. Today, I did my makeup in record time...and ruined it as I went along. My makeup is no match for the tears I cry for you. I walked to the front door...paused, and looked up the stairs...wishing I could still give you our morning "goodbye" kisses.
      I drove to work today in absolute silence. No music. Nothing. Just me and my thoughts of you. The memories I have of you are some of my favorites. I loved the day we brought you home. You were so skinny and seemed so sad. You had marks from where it looked like someone had burned or cut you. It makes me sick to imagine someone hurting you. I thought of the day you completely destroyed the computer room. Literally, you tore it all to pieces. I forgive you for that day...and I hope you can forgive me for being mad at you. I know you never meant to hurt me. Even as terrible as that day was...it makes me smile. You were so stinking ornery that it was adorable. So many other  memories flood me...and I could write about them all afternoon...but there's so much I want to say.
      I was telling your Dad today that it was such a pleasure knowing you. Holding you. Kissing you and most of all, hugging you. You have brightened my life in such a significant way that it is almost unmatched. Your extraordinary soul has given me a reason to hope. I hope that I can be as wonderful as you. I hope I can touch someone's life in the manner  you have touched ours. I hope that you are right where you belong, I hope that you are in heaven and you are free. You are free to run, play and love the way that we know you can. I hope you can see us, I hope you can hug us...even if we don't know you are doing it. 
      I miss you so much that it literally hurts. It hurts in my chest...it hurts in my brain...and it hurts in my eyes. It hurts all over. Every part of my daily life now pains me. Every part of daily life now feels incomplete. You completed us. And even though you are gone, you will continue to be a part of our lives...even if only in memories and in dreams.
      Please understand why it all happened the way it did. Please know that we would've given anything if it meant you could have the longest, happiest life possible. And please know that I would've given anything...for just one more day. Even though it would've only prolonged the inevitable...I still wish it were an option. I wish you were right by me today. Right now, as I riddle the keyboard with my tears, I wish I could hear your random heavy sighs...they are really the only thing that would provide some comfort right now.
     I have prayed to God more in the past 24 hours than I have in months combined. I pray that you are happy. That you are well.  That you are giving all the people in heaven the same hugs you gave us. And I pray that you can feel our love. I pray that you will forgive me... for not knowing the cure. I pray that you will continue to love me until I can see you again. And I pray most of all that seeing you some day is an option. If there was ever something I needed, it was to know that yesterday wasn't the last time I could hold you.
     We love you so much. And we will continue to love you everyday for the rest of our lives. People say the pain will get better...and I believe that....but please know that even after the pain has subsided, you will forever be in our hearts.
     Goodbye, Good Boy. I hope to see you.
     I love you,
            Mom